Don't pass her by

Are you a passer-by?

We all have a part to play in making women safer. If you see someone in trouble, don’t pass her by.

How to help if you see someone being harassed

We all need to do our part to prevent violence against women and girls (VAWG) from escalating but we know getting involved can be difficult, especially if the person acting out is a friend, colleague, or neighbour.

In certain circumstances, you may not even feel safe to intervene. However, there are many non-confrontational ways to challenge wrongdoing and avoid being a passer-by.

Say something

You can let a person know you disapprove of their behaviour by not laughing or voicing that you don’t agree. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can tell them you find their actions unacceptable and tell them to stop. 

Offer support

You don’t need to confront anyone or wait for the situation to escalate before you intervene. You can help by doing something small and subtle to diffuse the situation such as asking the victim if they are alright.

When interacting with someone you fear may be in an abusive relationship, you should direct them to the local expert advice and services.

Report it

In a pub or club? Speak to bar staff and let them know something is wrong. If you are at work, you can bring it up to HR. When you are in public, you can try telling another bystander. By working together you can protect yourself better and provide the victim with more support.

Create a distraction

As soon as you see something that makes you uncomfortable, you can strike up a casual conversation with the victim. If the situation arises at work, you can make up an excuse to speak to the victim about an unrelated task.

Your safety is equally important, so do not do anything that puts you at risk. If you think someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

Find out more

Want to learn how you can be more than a passer-by? Find out what is happening in the borough. 

If you are concerned about your behaviour

It is not easy to admit if you have been acting out of pocket but if you think of a time when you have gone too far, it is important to be honest with yourself. Facing up to your behaviour is the first step to changing for the better.

Many people don’t realise the impact of their behaviour on others – abuse can take many forms and they could be criminal.

Forms of abuse can include:

• Making a sexual comment about a woman to your friends
• Making suggestive comments to a woman who clearly did not want them
• Sharing intimate photos of a partner or ex
• Pressuring a woman for sex
• Making sexual innuendos to a colleague or even repeatedly commenting on their looks

If you recognise these behaviours and are ready to do better, you are doing the right thing by taking responsibility.

Getting support

If you need some extra support making the change, there are services that can help you.

The Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for people behaving abusively in their relationships. The service supports men and women who are using abuse in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.

Call Freephone: 0808 802 4040.

If you are worried about someone you know

If you are concerned that a friend, colleague or even neighbour are being harassed or are in an abusive relationship, there are local support services that can provide specialised expert advice on available support, regardless of your circumstances.

The local services can help guide a survivor to the right support and are often confidential.